


300 Km

by annetta23



Category: Men's Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Gay Sex, Liverpool, Liverpool F.C., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26142685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annetta23/pseuds/annetta23
Summary: Jordan just couldn't let Adam move to the South East soil, but what could he do? His love was already gone, but Jordan was not born to be a loser.
Relationships: Jordan Henderson/Adam Lallana
Comments: 28
Kudos: 31





	1. Why Are We Doing This to Ourselves?

**JORDAN**

The calm stream, Summer breeze. Jordan closed his eyes, trying to be one with nature’s vibes, but his focus was not here. His feet could be deep under the water, lungs filled with the Austrian air, but his mind was not where his body was.

_ What are you doing now, Ad? Are you thinking of me?  _

Jordan Henderson the captain was on fire, pumped more than ever. A champion, a role model; he’s untouchable. But deep within, that’s where Jordan the lost lover hid. He felt like crying, felt like asking tons of questions, or screaming at the sky why everything ended the way it ended.

But he couldn’t. He’s supposed to be the person people went to for answers.

“Hendo?” James Milner called from the hill. “We’re heading to the hotel. You coming?”

“Yeah,” Jordan waved. “Don’t wait for me.”

Something about the lake made Jordan want to stay. He started seeing Adam’s face; he could have been here, giggling while trying to avoid being water attacked. Then Jordan would stop and hug him tight, saying he’s sorry while vaguely admiring Adam’s lean muscles with his addicted palms. Then they would kiss, and if nobody’s around, they would start making love half deep under the water.

Back in his room, Jordan let it all go. He screamed to the shower, and the echo just reminded him he’s indeed alone, body and soul. He never wanted to let go, but…

_ “So what do we do now?”  _

_ Small and breathy, Adam’s whisper was almost inaudible. But louder than anything, his frustration was vivid. Jordan wished he had an answer, but he’s just as clueless. _

_ “We’ll figure it out, love,” Jordan said. “Somehow…” _

_ “We’d be crushed, Jordan. Weekly train? Flight? I’d fly here by the dawn, but maybe I’d have to fly back to Brighton by midnight. Physically we’d be destroyed,” _

_ Jordan bit his lip, because everything Adam just said was true. Would it be worth it? _

And now Jordan learned the truth. Everything would be worth it, as long as he could see Adam with his own eyes even just once a week with sleepy eyes. Why not? Jordan hugged his body in the cold bed. He lost his childhood for a career, why wouldn’t he risk  _ everything _ for his sanity?

> **To: Adam**
> 
> I can’t go on like this, Adam. Why are we doing this to ourselves? 

Jordan pressed “send” and waited in silence in the dark. It’s been almost a month since the last time they talked. What if Adam had moved on?  
  
  
  



	2. Broken and Apart, Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because again and again, Adam brewed two cups of coffee for breakfast instead of one.

**ADAM**

“Should we be going?”

Lewis Dunk suggested, and Adam giggled as the younger lads started whining. He’s starting to know his new teammates better; Adam learned which one was the clown, the quiet one, or the life of the party. Calm and composed, Lewis was like James back in Liverpool, or actually more like…

_...Jordan._

It had been a while since Adam thought of Jordan. Had been a while since the last time he was crying alone in his unmade bed, because again and again, Adam brewed two cups of coffee for breakfast instead of one. And now suddenly, his new captain reminded Adam all over again of old memories. Beautiful ones, mainly Jordan’s smile.

_How are you holding up? Who's sitting next to you on flights now?_

Adam had not moved on; he had just built a thicker skin. After a couple weeks, he was used to waking up alone and now embracing his new-found self reliance. Moving to a strange place all by yourself did that. 

If parting away made him stronger, then Jordan must be all well and flying on his own now, Adam thought. He waved to his teammates off the lift. It’s a bittersweet thought, but life went on. And he wanted nothing but the best for Jordan.

Together or apart.

The night was still young, but training was intense. Adam took an intentionally long hot bath, slipped to his boxer briefs, then noticed his phone was blinking by the bed. Adam felt his heart stopped beating. It could be nothing, but what if it’s an emergency from back home?

And it was.

Reading the lines was like seeing Jordan curling to a ball in the corner, weak and alone. Adam slid to the floor, noticing the message was sent hours ago. Realizing that he’d been wrong; Jordan had not been flying. And there went Adam’s motivation to keep going.

“Oh Jordan...Jordan...” 

Adam bit his hand, trying to keep it together but his knees went weak. This was the real him; soft, weak and scared. Tears were flowing like a flood to Adam’s hands and knees, and Jordan was not there to lend his shoulder, or to promise that things would be alright.

Because now they were broken and apart, together.

_“You’re mine,” Jordan breathed harshly to Adam’s temple. “You’re mine, wherever you are,”_

_And Adam was his, indeed. They were saying goodbye, but nothing would change the moment Adam walked out the front door tomorrow. Adam_ _wrapped his legs tighter around Jordan, as if it would lock them together forever. As if Liverpool was keeping him, and Brighton would remain an unknown land down south._

_“I’m forever yours,” Adam vowed.“Come on Jordan, fuck me...Use me. Harder, my love,”_

_Deeper and steady, Jordan moved in and out like a piston. It wouldn’t undo anything, but it would leave its marks all over Adam. Adam would take the memory, the sheer pain and bursting pleasure with him, to remind him whom he belonged to._

_Jordan would forever be his actual home._

Adam wanted to come home, but obviously he’s imprisoned. He could only hug his knees, sobbing at the floor, wishing he could time travel to the past, and told baby Adam not to sell his soul to professional football. 

But without football, how would his path cross Jordan’s?

There were things that Adam couldn’t do, like flying back to Merseyside, or warning the eight years old him about future struggles and sacrifices. Wiping his tears, Adam took a deep breath, and focused on things he could do. 

He could call home, and told his love that no, they didn’t have to go like this forever. 


	3. Sacrifices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who could possibly be in that room, ready to snuggle Adam to sleep? As relieved as he was, Jordan found himself falling and longing even deeper.

**JORDAN**

> **From: Adam**
> 
> Would you call me? FaceTime?

The reply meant Adam still cared. But what took him so long to write back? Who could possibly be in that room, ready to snuggle Adam to sleep? As relieved as he was, Jordan found himself falling and longing even deeper. Adam’s nights used to be his nights too, and now he could only wonder from afar. 

How sad was that? When you’re willing to do everything for someone, yet that alone wasn’t enough.

The screen blinked and revealed Adam’s calm face, yet his eyes were uncertain. Jordan hugged his pillow tight, fingers dig deep. 

“Hi,”

The corner of Adam’s lips curved to a weak smile, but soon it became shaky. Jordan knew what was coming, and he felt like punching holes all over the walls, all over the room. This was the most powerless he had ever felt. He never pictured them to be like this, yet this was their reality now.

“See,” Jordan said, as the first drop of tear escaped the tail of Adam’s eye. “This is what I was talking about. Just one look, and I know you were just crying. And I cannot even fucking hold you...What the fuck…”

“Oh Jordan,”

“I am not even looking at you. I’m talking to a plastic screen!”

Two thousand miles away, one trying to start a new life, and one trying to carry on. For once they’re reunited, only to watch each other uselessly fighting overflowing tears. It felt like a punch right to the gut to Jordan, looking at Adam sobbing, his little frame rocking from not only his burden.

It took them three whole minutes, until they got to calm down the best they could. The silence was back dominating, Jordan was afraid that’s how the entire call was going to be. Afraid that everything, beyond what he thought, had changed, until Adam ended the dead air.

“Jordan? You’re right. I, too, can’t go on like this. I am not letting you go,”

That brought a smile back to Jordan’s face, and it’s contagious across the screen. 

“I don’t have many years left, we all know that. Two, three years tops, and I’ll be done. I want it to be done by then. I’ll settle with you, remotely watching my businesses I have invested in, but until that time, there’s no other way than to sacrifice a bit. Well, maybe a lot.”

“What do you have in mind, love?” 

It came out just like that. Jordan was hesitant to call Adam his “love” again, but the direction of where this convo was going showed he could worry less. Adam might be blushing and lost of words now, something that Jordan experienced first hand a lot. But there’s a different level of composure and certainty in his voice.

The cuteness just warmed Jordan’s chest.

“Uh, yeah, you know,” Adam fell to his palm, and back with a smile. “OK, wait. Uh, traveling? It’s inevitable, Jordan. We should visit each other, maybe twice a month. Train is the fastest, I have checked, and we can stay in the nearest hotel from the station to cut some time on the road, and just spend the most time we can together.”

That never really crossed Jordan’s mind. Adam had totally changed in a good way. This was not the soft, puzzled Adam Jordan loved and sent away a month ago. He figured things out all by himself.

Adam really wanted them to work, and Jordan needed no more motivation.

“I’m willing to do that if you are,” Jordan smiled. “I really thought...you had moved on.”

Adam shook his head.

“I told you I’m forever yours. Forever your love.”


	4. We Can Do This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan rolled and pinned Adam down. Before they parted ways this midnight, he had to make sure he’s taking everything in.

**ADAM**

Speakers all around the station announcing the arrival from London Bridge, like the best news ever to Adam’s ears. Scary yet exciting, perfectly reflected by his furious heartbeat. That busy wave of people coming from the other side was bringing Jordan closer, and it felt like Adam had been waiting for this moment all his life.

He was not even looking long and hard enough. Jordan’s blue eyes popped against his fair skin against his complimenting royal blue t-shirt, standing out of the pack. And that’s how Adam found his heart skipped a beat.

He’s literally falling in love at the first sight all over again.

"Jordan," 

Adam waved his arm high, feeling like bursting to wonderful nothingness the moment their eyes met. Jordan’s jaw tightened, no smile, and it’s totally okay. Adam knew it all too well, how Jordan was when he’s nervous and overwhelmed inside. 

The view just made this reunion feel even more real.

Then Jordan dropped his duffel bag, and they met in the tightest, much needed hug. They were not the only one; Adam saw little groups around them with their own moments. Reconnecting, re-establishing fading memories. Would they be able to let go when the time came? Or maybe their destinies were to be together from this moment on?

“Welcome to Brighton,” Adam managed to say once they let go. He could get mellow once they’re without audiences. “Oh you’re gonna make me cry, Jordan…”

“Sorry,” Jordan frowned to Adam’s hand in his palm. “Seeing you again it’s just...I don’t know,”

Emotional and broken Jordan didn’t happen often, even for Adam. Even during those years they spent together under one roof. Adam was moved, glad. Glad that the strong man that used to be his best friend and object of obsession, the role model of the nation, was willing to be vulnerable in front of him, and just him. Even after everything.

“Come,” Adam managed to smile instead of tearing up. “You can use a little rest.”

**JORDAN**

“I could do this all day long,” 

For over five minutes, Adam’s hand had been an explorer, tracing Jordan’s skin from his hairline down to his jaw, from the crook of his neck all the way to the vivid lines and muscles of his naked abs. And Jordan let him. Whatever the boy wanted.

“Whatever you want,” Jordan repeated, thinking out loud. “Are we gonna be like this all day? Snuggling in our undies on this hotel bed? Not that I’m complaining,”

“Well,” Adam chuckles to Jordan’s left nipple. “Do you have a better plan, Capt?”

“Is a second round better? Huh?”

It should be. This was how Jordan wanted to remember Adam and his new home: a place where they reconnected and accepted their compromised connection. Adam had moved on top of him, his tainted boxer briefs had gone. Watching Adam spitting to his palm and reached around, wildly assured Jordan that their passion was never in danger. If anything, going apart just threw more gasoline to their fire.

The distinctive breathy moans, Adam’s pressing weight against Jordan's heartbeat. It felt like nothing ever changed. Thrusting up, deep and steady, Jordan knew that their home could be anywhere their passions lived. 

“Ohh,” Adam bit on Jordan’s neck. “Jordan! Jordan…”

“Yeah, you like that? You feel good?”

“I feel amazing, god…”

Jordan rolled and pinned Adam down. Before they parted ways this midnight, he had to make sure he’s taking everything in. The sight, the sounds, the heat and desperation in Adam’s eyes were all his. Distance and fate were just distance and fate; Jordan wouldn’t let them steal these from his memories. 

They went again for the third time, and again for the fourth time in the shower. Jordan was taking the last train via London at midnight, and it reminded him of Cinderella. They would have to let go by midnight, and faced the reality when the day changed.

“See you at home in a few weeks,” Jordan wiped Adam’s tear by the gate. The train was arriving soon. “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” Adam sobbed. The tear had become a stream. “Text me, call me when you’re back home, OK? Jordan?”

“Yes, love?”

“We’ll make it. We can do this.”


	5. Our Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But you’d still talk to me with that quiet, shy voice of yours. You’d still look at me like you needed me, like I was the best man around. And I knew I had to have you, I had to be your man.”

**ADAM**

“OMG Adam lad! You’re in town! Picking up the boyfriend, eh?!”

“Hi Andy,” Adam chuckled as he let go of Jordan’s arm. “I missed you, really.”

It was quite a tiring gamble, to jump on a train after his own training to make it on time. But seeing all the lads, all the hugs, especially since they’re not making it weird, made it all worth it. Adam was delighted to see everyone in the back lobby, just like old times, and the lads seemed to be genuinely happy too.

Nothing really changed. Not the lads, not even home. Adam dropped his jaw, because the house was exactly how it was the day he was leaving three months ago.

“My side is empty,” Adam bit his bottom lip at his side of the walk in closet. “Jordan?”

“Nobody else could fill it,” Jordan just shrugged. “I won’t even fill it. It’s yours.”

And that night, Adam threw Jordan’s dirty laundry to the washing machine, poured the tea after dinner, and was the one turning off all the lamps before they went to the bedroom; things he would do daily before he moved out. It felt so good Adam felt like crying. Yeah, even turning off the familiar lamps pinched his heart.

“I missed your house...This bed.” Adam took off his top. “And the fact that tomorrow is Sunday.”

“You mean our home, my love. Our house, our bed,”

Jordan moved down, with Adam’s boxer briefs in his hands. The fire in his eyes alone could make Adam come already. But in the meantime Adam could only stare speechless. He could only let out a nervous laugh when Jordan playfully bit on his thigh.

“I watched you the other day. You were moving so freaking good,”

Adam sighed as Jordan’s tongue replaced his teeth.

“You looked so hot when you were frustrated. So beautiful when you’re celebrating, smiling and grunting at the boys. I bet some of them have fallen for you. For this body,”

Now Jordan was moving up, ever so slowly.

“Stealing glances in the showers, because the new midfielder is so hot. Because that’s what I was doing,”

Adam fell back, once Jordan took him in his grip and started jerking slow, teasing. 

“One day it hit me, you were no longer this cute boy. It was like you changed overnight, becoming this ripped, beautiful, scruffy man. But you’d still talk to me with that quiet, shy voice of yours. You’d still look at me like you needed me, like I was the best man around. And I knew I had to have you, I had to be your man.”

And indeed Adam was Jordan’s, body and soul. Adam’s body was yearning to be loved, used, and to serve. He moaned as Jordan pushed his legs apart, and Adam felt the hot, wet tongue circling his hole. He had dreamed about that certain warmth for days, and now that it’s here, Adam wouldn’t just stay still. Clenching on the sheet, Adam twisted his hips, opening up to meet that thrusting heat, again and again.

“Whose ass is this?” Jordan slapped his cheek, and Adam was taken to another level of pleasure. “Who can eat you like this?”

“You. Only you.”

“That’s right. Come, come here, love.” Jordan stood on his knees and reached out his hand. “Suck my dick. I know you’re hungry for this.”

Adam owned that dick, but also a willing servant of it. He had spent countless days shoving his poor fingers up his ass, imagining it was this hard dick moving in and out of this throat. Jordan’s dick was the only dick Adam knew, and he didn’t care about the rest. No fantasy could replace this.

Adam went lower, choked and started to stream tears, and was rewarded with Jordan’s hot moan.

“Ohh goddamnit! Fuck, Ad...All the way. Yeah, all the way,”

Reaching down, Adam was not surprised to find his leaking dick.

“Jordan, fuck me already. Please,”

“Suck me a bit more, alright, baby? Suck my balls a bit,”

To be fair, Adam wanted everything. He wished he could have Jordan’s throbbing dick in his throat while being pounded senseless. But he couldn’t, so whatever he could have. Adam started to suck and played his tongue around, feeling the soft, heavy sacks inside his mouth, enjoying all the changes in Jordan’s sweat-slicked face.

And soon Adam got what he wanted; Jordan’s dick furiously moving in and out of him, while the man was in pure bliss, whispering sweet and loving words to Adam’s ear and throbbing heart.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Jordan pulled out, only to slam in twice harder. “Adam...You drive me crazy. Take it, take that dick,”

Adam bit on the pillow, overwhelmed by the tingles moving up his torso. Jordan hit the right spot, again and again, until Adam couldn’t handle it anymore. He’s bursting inside, screaming outside, and finished even before touching his dick. Soon Adam felt Jordan’s cum running down his hole, and Jordan collapsed on top of him, gasping for air.


	6. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s more like filling a gaping, bleeding void that had been longing for months. Touching Jordan again was an aid.

**JORDAN**

“You’re so beautiful. You’re like...perfect.”

That was unexpected. Jordan frowned at Adam on his lap, wondering what was going on in his head to trigger that...sudden compliment. They had just finished a long, lazy morning sex, and moved to the couch for coffee and a calm Sunday afterglow.

“Thank you,” Jordan chuckled. “Hopefully I was perfect for you too before, not just this morning.”

It’s nearly impossible to focus, when Adam’s silk robe suddenly fell aside, beautifully draping over the couch to reveal his tan thigh. 

“You were my dream coming true. You know that." Adam playfully poking on Jordan's chin. "Being able to touch you again, seeing this massive arm, your hair...Like, it hit me again.”

“Hit you that I’m hot?”

“That you’re beautiful, you're strong...Our kids in the future should be like you.”

On the brighter note, the distance did launch a new appreciation for their time together. Jordan bowed down and kissed Adam’s lips. How amazing would it be, if that future was as close as tomorrow. But each day they had to spend together or away was bringing them closer to kids and all.

“Or they can be like you,” Jordan thumbed Adam’s swollen lips. “Adorable, sweet, caring...and…”

Adam’s robe knot had completely unwrapped. They couldn’t go on with sweet baby talk anymore. They just couldn’t.

“You don’t know how hot you look right now.” Jordan growled deep, but his touch was soft dragging down Adam’s abs. “Are you tired yet?” 

And Adam’s sleepy eyes rose to his hairline, but hey, he didn’t say he was tired.

**ADAM**

Going home during the weekend should be mandatory, because it literally felt like eternity. Beyond having sex multiple times a day, beyond sleeping in the same bed, it’s more like filling a gaping, bleeding void that had been longing for months.

Touching Jordan again was an aid.

“Thank you,” 

Adam smiled. Content Jordan was unfairly handsome. Adam would never get tired of satisfying his man, because the need was mutual. He’s willing to feel like Jello, from receiving oral while still “recovering” from their morning fuck, again and again.

And it was likely to happen again later in the evening.

“Thank  _ you _ for feeding me,” Jordan winked. “You wanna clean up? We can go out for lunch."

A bit sore, but tremendously pumped, Adam got up and sprinted to the bathroom. Of course he's humming along his quick shower, and smiled as he shaved, because he's home and he's gonna stroll out holding hands with Jordan in a bit.

A stack of new, clean laundry in the corner caught Adam's attention. Actually, it would be kind of cute to wear something of Jordan's. Weird he just thought of that now, because Adam used to do that often, mostly with Jordan's tops and jackets.

And now he's going to go with pants.

Between the t-shirts, there were some grey sweatpants that would be perfect for the weather. Adam pulled one, and noticed that they looked a bit...off? 

They're just too big, even for Jordan.

The pants looked like just any other sweatpants, until Adam spotted the customed details. The number 4, then the "VVD" in black printing.

"Ad? Come on, love."

Long Adam just stood holding the pants. He shouted something back, trying to move but he's stuck with doubts, questions and fearful thoughts.

_ It could be nothing. _

Adam folded the pants neatly, put it at the top of the stack and got dressed with his own clothes. Heading out to the streets, Adam wrapped his hands around Jordan's arm, not letting go unless he really had to.

_ What if there is something?  _


	7. Scared Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I, I just” Adam rubbed his eyes furiously. “I know I can’t compete with someone like Virgil. I can’t, Millie. I just can’t,”

**JAMES**

> **From: Adz**
> 
> Hi, Millie. You got a minute today? Pls let me know when you can FaceTime the soonest.

_Huh? Weird._

That sounded like an emergency, but not the pressing kind. Typing back, James turned around and stayed in Melwood’s dining room, settling in the corner, while the others were heading out.

“Aye Adam lad,” James waved, the moment Adam appeared on the screen. “You good down there?”

But James could guess the answer already, seeing Adam’s reluctant smile and just the whole vibe. 

“Hi, James, how are you? I wonder if…”

James held his breath.

“...if there’s something between Jordan and Virgil? Anything you know?”

Adam’s eyes were lost, pleading and sad, and James would fly just to give him a hug. Long distance relationships were a weird concept, added being clueless about your man? James wouldn’t want to be there. 

Not that he’s not in a tricky position already here.

“Why did you ask so, Ad?”

“Millie,” Adam sighed. “Please,”

“Adam, _please_. I’m as clueless! I need a back story, lad,”

Adam started telling about his suspicion, that he found Virgil’s clothes in the laundry. How he noticed Virgil and Jordan appeared more and more together in pictures, especially from the pre-season. Adam didn’t even sound mad; James only saw a scared boy on the screen.

And that’s a sad view, but that’s the Adam that James knew.

“I, I just” Adam rubbed his eyes furiously. “I know I can’t compete with someone like Virgil. I can’t, Millie. I just can’t,”

Poor, sweet Adam. He’s a silent trooper all this time on the pitch, but Jordan was his Achilles heel. Jordan had told James how they reconnected; the captain was as scared to lose Adam. He even thought the boy had settled down south, moving on from the love he left as he’s moving away.

This was not a match. He’s not acting as a captain here, and James was not too sure what he could or could not say.

“Ad, listen to me, okay? I can be wrong, I can be right, but this is what I see with my own eyes. I see how Jordan and Virgil are closer now, but they’re just as close as Jordan with Trent. As close as Virgil with Gini. I don’t know, Ad; I know nothing more than that.”

But if there’s something James knew for sure, something he learned over the years…

“Jordan loves you. He loves you like, to the moon and back. Wow, I never even used that line before,” James chuckled. “But yeah, you’re everything to him, Ad. I don’t know if something’s up or not, I really don’t, but I need you to promise. Promise me you’ll talk to him. Stop guessing, stop killing yourself with ideas, and just talk to him. Again, Jordan loves you so much. If my insensitive ass know it, I'm sure you know it better than anyone."


	8. Andy Robertson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jordan stormed out to look for James. Hearing ‘Adam’ and ‘crying’ in the same sentence was a nerve wracking twist.

**JORDAN**

“What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? Get used to it, babe,” Andy winked. “I can stare all I want, and I will, cuz me boyfriend is this hot.”

Trent rolled his eyes as an answer. Andy rolled his eyes back dramatically, and that’s just another day in the dressing room. Jordan treasured all these...little entertainments from the rather new couple.

Trent and Robbo. Full back friends to boyfriends. Who would’ve had thought? 

As different as they were, somewhere somehow they just connected; crazy and calm, loud and quiet. They really belong. Jordan admired from across the room, the quick peck exchanged between the two. Trent’s shy smile as he’s pulling away, and the fire in Andy’s eyes that lit exclusively for Trent. His Trent.

Jordan could relate. 

One day, years ago, everything changed in a snap. His care for Adam turned to lust, and without his control, soon feelings got involved. Their journey was bumpy, fiery. Crazy but it was worth it. Now they had to compromise, and Jordan would make it work.

Jordan finished his packing and ready to head out, when he heard Andy calling his name.

“Uuuuh, can we talk for a bit?” Andy whispered, moving to the corner even before Jordan approved the request. They settled on the furthest bench; Andy just sat down, so it seemed like this wouldn’t be quick.

“What is it?”

“Is Adam okay, mate?”

_What?_

“What? What do you mean?” Beyond confused, Jordan was panicked. “You know he was here just last week. He’s...okay?”

“Well, if you’re sure, that’s good. But why was he crying on the phone the other day, then? With Millie?”

And it’s clear a few seconds later, Andy didn’t mean to say it out loud. His face turned from concerned to frozen, and Jordan was completely lost. Something was hidden from him, but he’s not getting anything from Andy. The boy was as clueless.

The season had just started. Slowly but surely, restarting with Adam had been smooth. Jordan stormed out to look for James. Hearing ‘Adam’ and ‘crying’ in the same sentence was a nerve wracking twist.

_What the hell is going on?_

**ANDY**

“I love you, okay,” Trent whispered back in the lockers. “But maybe next time, rethink things first, Andy? Just because you know something, doesn’t mean you have to act. Especially when it’s something you’re not supposed to know.”

This was definitely not something that Andy needed. Just not from Trent, with those semi-judgy eyes.

“If you’re crying on the phone to my good friend, I would want to know!”

“And that would be for me to decide! Right?” 

Trent’s hands turned to fists. He’s mad, or maybe just annoyed, but Andy thought he looked really adorable at the moment. Kissing Trent’s shoulder, Andy apologized, and mentally wished Millie could handle the captain better than him.

_Sorry, Millie._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out my story "One Way or Another" on how Trent-Andy started xx


	9. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, don’t,” Adam struggled to say, struggled to breath. “Jordan, please, don’t leave me. Please!”

**ADAM**

Failure could be a cure, Adam learned that just now. Disappointed yet determined, he buried himself in the intensity of today’s training. Losing the match the other day fueled the team differently, especially when they played so well and a just goal difference put them at a disadvantage. 

Some lads were staring intensely at their phone, some looked deep in thoughts while slipping into their undergarments. Adam bit his lips, wondering about the silent struggles around him. What could they be? Was it something, someone? Was this place also their escape?

He could do this. If the other lads managed, Adam knew he could too. His restlessness would be cured, and he would heal with every sweat he dropped.

“Guys,” Neal Maupay entered the changing room, eyebrows touching his hairline. “Liverpool’s captain is just outside. Hendo?”

Like hearing a command, most of the guys turned around. All eyes were on Adam, their minds were unanimous that the captain from far away was here for only one reason. One person.

_How could they know? How much do they know?_

Putting all those fear-laden curiosity aside, Adam sprinted to the door with a thumping, excited heart. Jordan was here, under the same roof, smiling and chatting with some staff just outside the door. And soon, it hit Adam like a premature end of a sweet dream: why was Jordan here?

Adam waved, smiling, while inside he’s overwhelmed by so many emotions. There must be some readjusting of schedule, the fact that Jordan was here around this hour. It’s just like being a school kid in all over again, when your crush intentionally stopped by your class to surprise you. Going out of their usual route just for you. 

Adam was touched, as much as he was puzzled. What if Virgil was just outside at the parking lot? What if this was another end?

“Jordan? Why-How?”

“You done?” Jordan cupped Adam’s face. “I miss seeing you like this,”

Together, right after practice all over again, Adam welcomed Jordan’s mouth with his. It felt so new yet so familiar. Usually, Adam would be the one waiting in Melwood's aisle, twisting Jordan’s car keys in his hand until they’re both ready to go home. How Adam missed this togetherness.

“Where’s your car, love?” Jordan fixed a strand of Adam’s wet hair. “Can we talk for a sec?”

**JORDAN**

The silent fear was so loud. It’s written all over Adam’s face. It’s the dying warmth of his hands, trembling between Jordan’s. 

“Okay. So,” Jordan cleared his throat, but it didn’t help. How should he start this again? “I need to talk to you about...Virgil. Please listen to what I got to say first-Ad? Adam?”

As cold as ice, Adam’s hands started pulling and grabbing, clinging to Jordan’s arm. Jordan could see his own fearful face on the shiny coat over Adam’s enlarged eyes. He hadn’t even said anything yet.

“No, don’t,” Adam struggled to say, struggled to breath. “Jordan, please don’t leave me. Please!”

“Adam,”

“Please don’t leave me!”

“Adam, breath! Take it easy! Oh god, Adam,”

Jordan hit the button to roll down all windows, and slapped Adam’s hands away just to take over the control. Holding Adam’s hands in his, Jordan prayed inside. This was the scariest thing he had ever seen. Adam was hyperventilating while trying to fight his tears. It’s just the scariest view, ever.

“I’m here. I’m here,”

Jordan said it again and again, like a mantra, until Adam was breathing steady in his seat, and his hands were calm and rested. Jordan helped him to switch places, and turned Adam’s GPS. 

It’s so selfish to think that this would be a nice, quick trip for a simple talk. Jordan didn’t want to address Adam’s suspicion over the phone, so he’s willing to skip today’s last training session to get here. Jordan felt so dumb, so selfish. He should know better than anyone how soft Adam was. How the whole Virgil thing would affect him mentally. Images of Adam shaking and sobbing to James started filling Jordan’s head, as he rechecked Adam’s seat belt.

He should stay.

> **To: Jurgen**
> 
> Boss, remember when you told us, we couldn’t train if our heads were out of the gate? I’ll be back soon, but I won’t be there tomorrow morning. Thank you, have a good night. And before you ask: everything is fine. 


	10. The Demons in Our Heads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in a dream, Adam wanted Jordan to smile. His or not.

**ADAM**

Beautifully disturbed. Jordan’s face was the foreground to the plain wall of the bedroom. This must be a dream, because Jordan was never disturbed, restless or overwhelmed. His silent strength was a powerful secret from the world.

This must be a dream, because Jordan was 300 km away from this town. But still, Adam reached his hand out. His touch wouldn’t heal anything, but he wanted to pull Jordan out of the misery in his eyes.

Even in a dream, Adam wanted Jordan to smile. His or not.

“Adam?"

Jordan’s hand was solid in Adam’s palm, and his tense face was still the foreground to the wall. This was not a dream, and Adam felt dizzy all of a sudden. Now he remembered what happened earlier. 

Reluctantly, Adam let go. He didn’t want to, but Jordan was not his anymore to hold. Jordan must be staying out of pity. He knew weak little Adam could not handle this alone. 

“You can go,” Adam managed to turn away. His tears could fall now. “Is Virgil waiting for you somewhere? Please, leave.”

Everything changed since Brighton, Adam felt so dumb for believing in the power of love. He was right; trying only destroyed him eventually. Not together meant not together. It’s impossible.

Adam sobbed hard and ugly to the pillow, remembering all the sex they had since his departure. Jordan must be thinking of Virgil all along.

“I get it now.” Jordan exhaled hard. “You really think I started something with Virgil behind you?”

Adam turned around. Wasn’t that the truth?

  
  


**Jordan**

“I get it now.” Jordan exhaled hard. “You really think I started something with Virgil behind you?”

All along, the distance was never a problem. It’s the demons filling their heads with ideas, once the truth was no longer tangible. How could Adam live with that on his own?

“Adam...I know it’s inevitable, especially after you found those pants. But it’s breaking my heart, the fact that it ever crossed your mind that I’m not faithful.”

It was hard for Jordan, but he knew Adam must be struggling harder. Jordan bowed down and kissed the deep frown on Adam’s forehead. 

“I have to say, I am getting closer and closer with Virgil, but always as buddies. He stayed in the house a few times, because I asked him to. Having someone being physically there to talk with helped me, Ad. There were nights where I could go crazy just seeing your face in every corner. Can you trust me? I need you to trust me,”

Jordan could see Adam started to beat himself inside, and he didn’t want that. Jordan pulled Adam to his chest, and he wouldn’t let go until the morning came. This was how they’re going to start their recovery before they're back facing reality.

“I’m sorry,” Adam sobbed again and again, “I just thought I lost you,”

That day when he looked at the Austrian sky, Jordan dead believed that he had lost Adam. He thought the distance had changed and ripped everything from them, but just look at them now: Jordan traveled across the country, putting work and title aside. Everything for Adam. And Adam? His last tear had dried on Jordan's chest. Nothing really changed, and they came out of their first long distance challenge alive.

"You didn't," Jordan whispered to Adam's temple. "You will never lose me."


End file.
